The President faced an uphill battle today as he addressed a skeptical congress on the benefits of his new Amway business proposal.
“It’s pretty simple,” said Obama to a room full of Democrats and Republicans with increasingly wrinkly brows, “Eighty percent of Americans are going after only ten percent of the wealth out there. We can rake in the remaining ninety percent, and all we have to do is find more people to sell other people on buying our household products.”
A growing number of Democrats began to express reservations about the President’s plan.
“The President’s plan is missing too many details,” said Democrat Heath Shuler, “I just want some specifics. Do we have to buy the products? What happens if I can’t find anybody to sell them for me? How much does the guy who sold the President on it make?”
The President used the prime time television conference before congress to explain how legitimate his Amway plan is and pressure everyone to sign up quickly.
“First of all,” said Obama, “These are good products. They’ve got a carpet cleaner that will handle dog vomit, kid urine, lipstick, chewing tobacco, and even yellow cake. It leaves the carpet looking brand new. You can’t even tell Bush or Clinton were ever in the Oval office.”
Obama went on to explain the organizational structure of his Amway venture.
“We’ve got a great Amway team put together,” said Obama, “My associates, St-*cough* -ton and Mi- *cough* –berg, they’re great guys. Our parent company is Lo- *cough hack cough cough* associates. Good guys. All of ‘em.”
Republicans were completely against the plan from the start.
“This is complete and total horse fop,” said Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele, “If he stuck this crap in a bag and lit it on fire on my porch, I wouldn’t even step on it. Not like last time. I’ll still get you for that, Biden. I heard you laughing in my bushes.”
The President expressed frustration at the Republican opposition.
“I can’t believe these guys would oppose my plan,” said Obama, “Millions of Americans will lose their opportunity to buy exclusive products from us. These are products they can’t live without. I’ve got thousands of people ready to sell them to you, and Steele and his buddies have to act like a bunch of prudes. Fine. When the country goes bankrupt, I’m blaming you.”
Obama concluded his remarks to congress with an audible “Hmph,” then retired back to the White House to join his kids in time for Stromboli night.
From The Endive The News Leader of the Known Universe (Satire) – 7.24.09
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